"Mark my words, this impossible standard has baleful consequences for today's monster generation," he continued. "I had a neo-otyugh throw back a dwarf explorer the other day for being 'too fatty and gross.' And between the oversized weapons of today's adventurers and the skinny little Popeye limb joints of today's monsters, work-related mutilations are up 68% in Skull Mountain since 2001."
Doombane snapped his fingers, and a sniveling minion threw back a curtain, revealing a tray piled high with hard iron-ration biscuits and scraps of unnameable meats.
"Therefore I command you, monsters of today: HAVE A SANDWICH. OR ELSE!"