From the Valemental Plane of Elementines

They are too nice. An entire plane of existence spawns and confines these simpering cherubs, pigeon-toed kewpies, toddler sweethearts; the cloying animistic objects who love, the yams, the fried eggs, the self-slicing baloneys. Unspeakable affinities. Obsessions whose desire can never be refused, only endured. Love proclaimed in a mute pun. Laugh to keep from wailing.

They are too nice. Faced with the truly monstrous, the denizens of this saccharine dimension are powerless to raise a chubby fist. Brutal blades must be hired from across the omniverse, a price doled out in philtres. Hard steps must fall on candied soil. The Violentine must slay the Beast Beloved.

You find yourself changing; conforming to the local phenotype. Roll d8 and consult the Monster Manual.

1. Lycanthrope, Wererat

2.Fungi, Violet

3. Men, Caveman

4. Orc

 5. Golem, Flesh

6. Devil, Horned (Malebranche)

7. Ochre Jelly

8. Gelatinous Cube

Only by succeeding can you ever hope to leave.

Valentine .. Watch Out For Green Slime!

My wife and I have a special love for the kind of cards that appease the gender-role needs of pre-adolescent boys, when teacher forces them to give Valentines to yucky girls.

 It's a genre ripe for parody ...

From Marvel Flipside

 and for D&D tie-ins.

Anyway, this is a sticky holiday for those unlucky in love. So let's soft-pedal the public schmaltz, and celebrate the romantic instinct in true Gygaxian style. Enjoy!